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The Memoir of Yahweh-is-Gracious

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I wrote The Memoir of Yahweh-is-Gracious, for the most part, between 1969 and 1973 (apart from the fragmentary conclusion, which I wrote as late as 1977), on whatever pieces of paper I had to hand—in the case of the long central section, Section 3, and the shorter Section 5, on toilet paper.

Section 1, Part 1, is written on lined paper measuring 231mm x 190mm. The paper itself is the same as I used to use at Fleetwood Grammar School for Chemistry notes in the Sixth Form, i.e. punched for filing in a loose-leaf binder. This particular sheet was used in Sunday School for a child’s drawings, and Memoir has been written over these on both sides of the sheet.

Section 1, Part 2, is written on a foolscap sheet of paper, which is coated for some kind of photocopy process. It is one of several which my Dad supplied from the Department of Health and Social Security where he worked; it was waste stock. Memoir is written over some rough Physics notes relating to Magnetism.

Section 1, Part 3, is written on two sheets of paper of no particular history. I wrote it during a visit to Chris Woodhead when he lived in Billericay.

Section 2 is written on the back of a couple of fragments of a working copy of an engineering drawing from the English Electric Company Limited.

Section 3 reverts to the practice of writing on toilet paper, started in “The Memoir of John”—apart from an addition at the end. Sometimes “
The Memoir of John” is referred to as “Scroll 1”, to distinguish it from the scroll of The Memoir of Yahweh-is-Gracious, which is then called “Scroll 2”. Fragment 1 and Fragment 2 of Section 3 (or “Scroll 2”), were written at Salford University; Fragment 3 was written perhaps at English Electric in Preston; and the rest were written at the Department of Health and Social Security, Norcross, near Blackpool.

Section 4 was written using mainly Greek characters on pages of a shorthand pad while I was on vacation from Hull University, working at the shoe factory Premier Footwear in Poulton-le-Fylde.

Section 5 was written before this—while I was still at Norcross, judging by the toilet paper Fragment 2 is written on. Fragment 1 and Fragment 3 are written using
mainly Greek characters, on toilet paper whose origin I do not recognise.

Section 6 was written on a page from a Jobcentre scrap pad.

The pieces of toilet paper forming Section 3 were originally rolled together into a long scroll, but in June or July 1975 I cut them up and stuck them on sheets of paper, book-style. At the same time, I prepared the Description of Contents pages, by similarly sticking them on sheets of paper and adding reference notation. The Contents, along with The Progress of Yahweh-is-Gracious, had been written on toilet paper some time previously, while I was at Hull University (1972–75), perhaps in 1974 or 1975; but the Progress was not incorporated into Memoir until much later.

The Memoir of Yahweh-is-Gracious is written deliberately in an obscure style. I wrote some explanatory notes between November 1979 and February 1980 for the part of the story relating to Audrey. Later, in 1980 or 1981, I made a clear version of Sections 1–3 of Memoir as part of the “Johannine Writings”. I cut up the notes I had made for the original Memoir and attached them to the “Johannine Writings”. Some of the notes, however, were made redundant by the clarification effected by the new version; I stuck these into the Ms. of Memoir.

Description of Contents

The Progress of Yahweh-is-Gracious

Section 1, Part 1

One day the Adversary called a secret meeting of the fallen Angels. During the meeting one Angel named Stumbling Block said, “There is a man named Yahweh-is-Gracious, son of Man-of-the-Common-People. He loves serving the Lord, and I think we ought to tempt him away from such love.” The Adversary raised his eyebrows and said, “I cannot devote my time or the valuable time of this meeting to such an insignificant one as he. How many souls, for example, has he won from me by his efforts of service? However, seeing that you are persistent, what do you propose should be done about him?” So Stumbling Block proposed some ideas—

Yahweh-is-Gracious was fond of a maid called All Tune the daughter of Will and Helmet. However, apart from one moment of passion, she seemed not to return the fondness, and became quite cold. This coldness, it seemed to Yahweh-is-Gracious, was due to the influence of a certain unmarried middle-aged woman called Wished-for Child. So he despised her, and one time he grew angry at her to himself and his friends in an outburst of hate, saying, “It is not becoming to me, considering my high status, but if it is true that she is influencing my All Tune to coldness toward me, then I will hate her.”
Anyway, All Tune terminated their relationship, causing very much sorrow and grief with tears to the heart of Yahweh-is-Gracious. However he was soon comforted by a certain maiden, fair to look upon, called Grace. In any case he did not turn away from his devotion to the service of the Lord, except that he sinned in hating Wished-for Child. In fact his dedication was strengthened at that time, and he was filled powerfully with the Holy Spirit.

Again the Adversary called a secret meeting of the Angels. Again while the meeting was in session the Angel named Stumbling Block said, “There is a man named Yahweh-is-Gracious. He still loves serving the Lord, and in fact his dedication to the same service has doubled since we last met. The Adversary raised his hand to his chin and tapped his cheek and said, “I cannot devote my time to this insignificant one for I am occupied on other business pouring cold water on the assemblies of believers, nor can we devote the valuable time of this meeting to such an insignificant one as he. How many strongholds of mine, for example, has he battered down by his efforts of service, and how many souls has he won from me by the doubling of his dedication? However, seeing that you are persistent, what do you propose should be done about him?” So Stumbling Block proposed some ideas—

Section 1, Part 2

Shortly afterwards, a friend of Yahweh-is-Gracious amed Rock received a letter from a young woman named Foreign, and her sister Sullen. This letter seemed to be one of invitation to come to where they lived. And immediately Rock and Yahweh-is-Gracious took provisions and got means of transport, and paid Foreign and her sister a visit. Now Foreign and Sullen were both beautiful, but Sullen was more beautiful than Foreign. However, Sullen said to Yahweh-is-Gracious, “I am spoken for.” And it was that Foreign also seemed uninterested in their coming. Then they explained that they had come because the young women had sent to them, saying, “Come and see us”; the young women explained that the letter had meant something different.
So they raised their tent, and spent the night in a field.
Then they went, and joined themselves to an inhabitant of that town, called Yahweh-is-Gracious. His family were surnamed Ghost. They made them very comfortable, and they were happy there, except that the Ghosts had strange customs, such as pouring water instead of milk on their cereals before eating. His grandfather, full of years and whose eyes were very dim with age, also dwelt with them.
Yahweh-is-Gracious and Rock desired a woman whose name was Sprung-from-Julius. Sprung-from-Julius was a strange woman, and by means of her, the young men corrupted themselves. Both Yahweh-is-Gracious, surnamed Ghost, and his friend Bright-in-Fame, who worked in the coal mine, did this. And Yahweh-is-Gracious and Rock did the same one evening, not regarding the fact that it is not seemly for men of such status as they to do thus. But they learned sense, and did not utterly abandon the form of wise conduct that had been passed on to them by their shepherd … . Nevertheless, they feasted their lusts on what would have seemed pleasurable for a season, although they were spared the guilt of gratifying their immoral desires.
That night, having left late, they were afraid to return to the house of Ghost, and so they wandered out of the town. But the watchmen saw them and caused them to stop. After asking them questions, they took them to the house of Ghost. For they did not believe them, but thought that they were others who had escaped from their custody.
But later, after having thus disregarded the Lord, they repented, and renewed their zeal in trying to please him.
When they returned to their homes and met together with their shepherd … , he asked them, “Did you meet with a woman there? For the shepherd in that town has sent communication to me saying that you did so, even though he had advised and commanded you not to do so.” To which they replied, “Yes, but we did nothing unseemly.”
Thus was Yahweh-is-Gracious stumbled and hindered, but it was not to death, and a place of repentance was found.

The memoir is continued.
One day, Rock declared that he was in love with a maiden. So Yahweh-is-Gracious asked him, “What is her name?” But Rock declined to answer, saying, “You stole All Tune away from me, when I loved her, and are you going to do it again? No, I will not tell you who she is.” But he wore him out with persuasions, so he said in a riddle, “Her name is ‘Milk-Cart-Forest’.” Later it turned out to be Noble-Strength of the family of those who resided near a wood. And Yahweh-is-Gracious had regard for two maidens; one was Noble-Strength and the other Strong: and he could not decide which was the more desirable.

The terms Milk Cart and Forest in Eng[lish] have synonyms which are similar in sound to the words Noble-Strength and Wood; thus the use of them is ironic wordplay.

Section 1, Part 3

Noble-Strength was well favoured and good-looking. She was a virgin; she had never known man.

It was decided in the assembly of believers that, at the request of the son of the one Bright in Fame, they should travel over the river to a small village over against the town where the believers held their convocations and preach the good news there. (The son of the one Bright in Fame was dishonest, and was later revealed for the corrupt person that he was. He was small and bald.)

There the believers held meetings, at a place where entertainment was wont to be had. And the Lord did not have regard for the meetings; he did not bless the people gathered there. Not many turned to the Lord, but a young woman was converted with tears and penitence.

During this time, a goodly number of young people worked hard, trying to get the inhabitants of the town to come to the meetings. Of this number were Noble-Strength the descendant of the one who resided near the wood and Yahweh-is-Gracious the descendant of the maker and repairer of wooden casks, buckets and tubs. And Yahweh-is-Gracious got acquainted with the maiden for the first time, while they were being ferried across the river.

Yahweh-is-Gracious still thought of Strong, a girl with whom he had become acquainted when an evangelist had visited the farmstead. Many flocked to hear him; Y-is-G had met her there.

Also he was having regard for Noble-Strength, not being decided which was the more desirable.

So he prayed, and thus he prayed:
“If the maid whom thou hast chosen to be company for me belongs to the assembly of believers of which I am a member in particular, let her be the one with whom I shall sit on the means of transport which shall go to the place over the river.”
So, on the means of transport, there was an empty place by Noble-Strength; Yahweh-is-Gracious immediately sat therein. After the meeting, Yahweh-is-Gracious was very dismayed to find that Rock was already sitting with Noble-Strength, but then the countenance of Yahweh-is-Gracious fell and he became sad. And Noble-Strength said to Rock, “Will you move?”
And Rock obliged; he moved and sat elsewhere. And Yahweh-is-Gracious sat with her, and talked with her, and became fond of her, and his heart was moved at her presence.

Later, Yahweh-is-Gracious was dwelling in his house; Joy, who was descended from the smith, and his wife Rebellious, also called the wished-for child, were there, being entertained by the man of the common people, the father of Yahweh-is-Gracious, the husband of the pearl. And the wished-for child questioned Yahweh-is-Gracious, saying, “Do you have regard for the daughter of Noble-Strength, who is married to the descendant of him who resided near the wood?” For Noble-Strength had a mother of like name, named Noble-Strength, the pearl.
For the wished-for child had seen that he had sat with her on the means of transport, when the assembly had been carried to the place over the river.

At that time it was the custom in that assembly for the young people to meet together for a celebration every year on the evening when all the old time saints were celebrated.
This was later disparaged by those who say Touch not, taste not.

At such occasions there was much merrymaking and enjoyment. And Yahweh-is-Gracious was at this time desirous of making Noble-Strength his partner in courtship.

That night Yahweh-is-Gracious wept much on account of Noble-Strength, and prayed for her, calling on the Lord for help, testifying that, “I love that little girl.”
For he had been prevented from approaching her that evening by the Rock, who had spoken with her.

N.B. The Ancestors of her that had belonged to Julius were officers in an assembly of believers, administering charity. She lived in the church village.

And Yahweh-is-Gracious visited the home of the descendant of the one who resided near the wood a number of times in those days.

A few days later, maybe two, a number of the young men assembled, with some maidens, for the purpose of distributing tracts to the outsiders, to the end that by these means they might save some of them.

And Yahweh-is-Gracious was frightened, but taking courage he asked Noble Strength to leave the place of assembly with him, before Rock would have opportunity to walk with them, and thus spoil his intentions.

Section 2

Then there was a council of the ministering spirits of the Lord in heaven, presided over by the Lord, and the Adversary entered. For although he is a serpent and a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour, yet is he a minister of the Lord, and carries out the predetermined foreordained purposes of the Lord. And the Lord said to him, “Why are you here?” To which he replied, “There is one of yours, named Yahweh-is-Gracious, and I would have him to buffet him grievously and afflict him.”
The Lord replied, “He is so small; how can he stand? But yet I must show to him my great faithfulness and my power at work in him, which keeps him standing though he knows it not. Yes, buffet him and afflict him, and then he will know that I the Lord wound, but bind up; I the Father chastise, but the grievousness is but for a moment. And he will then learn that whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be delivered.”
As the Adversary would have gone, and turned in order to do so, the Lord said, “I know all about your secret meetings and what you have done thus far, for there is nothing done without my knowing it altogether; moreover I ordained it thus.” Then the Adversary departed, and left the presence of the Sovereign Lord, who is king of all the earth for ever and ever.

Section 3, Fragment 1

Again the fallen angels met in array. Again the Adversary presided. And again the spirit that had caused grief to the heart of Yahweh-is-Gracious stood in the midst; and he answered the accusations brought against him.
“What have you to say for yourself?” said the Angel of Light. “These two times have I given you leave to tempt him, and these two times you have failed me. Answer, or I will send you hence, to possess some worm of a man who has been depraved by my cunning, even mine. Then you will be cast before your time into the Abyss of Tartarus, kept in nether gloom and everlasting chains of darkness.”
Panic filled the spirit’s breast and pangs his bowels. “Have mercy on me, and I will fulfil your every command and commission; I will obey your word and I will cast a sure stumbling-block before the feet of Yahweh-is-Gracious, son of the man of the common people, descendant of the maker of casks and barrels.”
Enough of the high-sounding words! Enough of the genealogies! Get you hence, and do that whereto I have sent you. And be sure that this time, that this time you fail not. I cannot damn this man, for behold the mercies of the Lord are from everlasting to everlasting, but yet it is necessary that certain be kept from the kingdom, that kingdom which I loathe. So get hence, and see that you irrevocably stumble him.
Now Yahweh-is-Gracious was responsible for the conversion of a man who came from the town of Farmstead near to the city on the breast-shaped hills, who had names which originated in the west country, which country was inhabited largely by the descendants of the original inhabitants of the whole island, which Island was called Great. And so the Lord’s Kingdom was extended with this convert, through Yahweh-is-Gracious. And such converts in the future the Adversary wanted to prevent, by causing a backsliding if possible on Yahweh-is-Gracious.

And so Yahweh-is-Gracious courted Noble-Strength of the family of those who dwelt in or near a wood, and themselves, or their progenitors had been woodcutters or carvers. It had been on the means of transport that he had lost his heart to the maiden. And it had been two/three days after the festal celebration, that he had been able to seek her permission for the said courtship to commence, owing to the untimely intervention of Rock the goodly fellow.
((But however, when they had been giving out leaflets,))
(And so when they gathered in the meeting house where the assembly assembled,) he asked her if she would come outside with him for he said he had something to say to her. And being in an ecstasy of nervousness and fear, he explained how he had prayed that on the means of transport, “the girl whom I should go out with shall sit with me”, and how Noble-Strength had sat with him, and “will you go out with me?” The maiden answered quietly and simply, “Yes.”
And this greatly surprised Yahweh-is-Gracious, for he had thought that he would have to engage in a battle of wits and verbiage. And it was somewhat of a disappointment, although disappointment is not quite the right word, to Yahweh-is-Gracious.
And so they held hands, and came to the house of her that had conceived her. And thus it was.

But where was the backsliding purposed by the Adversary’s messenger spirit? Did it not happen? Did the spirit fail? For Yahweh-is-Gracious immediately set to work, encouraging Noble-Strength to serve the Lord with all her might. And whereas Noble-Strength had little zeal or enthusiasm, he fanned a blaze, and stirred up a great zeal in her heart to extend the Lord’s kingdom. And this encouragement he did by his own example, and not merely in words.
They gave up all their time to the distributing of papers on which were printed the word of the gospel in order to try and convert folk.

But gradually and imperceptibly, he lost his zeal, left his first love; his devotion began to abate, his fiery passion for souls of men began to be quenched, and he became cold in heart. And the reading of books replaced the ardent perusal of the scriptures.
And so Noble-Strength grew weary, for when she asked him to give out papers, he would not allow it; and when she asked again, he blazed in wrath and refused.

Now all along, Noble-Strength had been cold in the way she acted towards him. Yahweh-is-Gracious did not think it showed any lack of love of hers towards him, for it had been thus all along; even the time when she had been jealous at his eyeing a girl and had said, “I want you, even you only”, it had been thus; she had always been cold, even when she had been jealous without his knowledge, that he was writing to maidens in foreign countries. This coldness frustrated and exasperated and sometimes infuriated Yahweh-is-Gracious; he was used to coming to his house in a state of tension & frustration.
Be it known, that it was not in his mind to KNOW her, to lie with her (although at one time, when she particularly frustrated him as she sat on his knees, he squirmed, thinking, “Lie with me, my sister!” But this had not been a sincere intention), but it was merely that she denied him any reciprocation of his affectionate behaviour whatever. Why, she never would fondle and cuddle him, and she never kissed him without his kissing her first.
So it was, that she wearied of him, that he had no zeal, and was in this way causing hindrance to her; for he was.
And it was also that he wearied of her, for the aforementioned reasons.

One day he had returned from the hall of education, known by the name of the system of Language Construction, and she had returned from her hall of learning, named after a once-prominent figure in the town. They were at her home (which was in a small street named after a lord. And she said quietly, “Yis­G., I do not want to go out with you any more.” For “go out with” was the colloquial term in common use.
To which he immediately replied, “I do not want to go out with you, even you any more.”
And so they parted. But all that evening, and when he went to see him called Bearer-of-the-Anointed-One; and when he heard the song:
She wakes up,
She makes up,
She takes her time and does not feel she has to hurry;
she no longer needs him.
And in her eyes he sees nothing—
no sign of love behind the tears cried for no one;—
a love that should have lasted years
he longed with all his heart, nostalgically, for her.
And the next day on the means of transport, going to the hall of education and learning, he saw her walking in her black over-garment which looked as if it were made of hide.
And the grief overwhelmed him and the tears rushed to his eyes; and in this state of utter sadness, fighting back the tears, was he all day long.

Section 3, Fragment 2

Section 3, Fragment 3

And when evening came Yahweh-is-Gracious came down to the small wall in the street where he was wont to meet Noble-Strength when she came out of her hall of learning. She came out, and Yahweh-is-Gracious wanted to tell her how he wanted her, but all he could do was cry and sob.
This was by the pillar where he was wont to say goodbye to her.
So as not to be seen, he quickly ushered her down a passage between two buildings.
At her house she comforted him and even cuddled him (yes, even she). He cried, saying, “It was horrible.”
And by their pillar he kissed her goodbye for he had to return home by means-of-transport.
And she looked exceedingly lovely, enhanced by the diamonds on her face, namely raindrops, for it must have been raining.
Try to see it my way
Do I have to keep on talking
Till I can’t go on?
Why do you see it your way
And run the risk of knowing
That our love may soon be gone
We can work it out
We can work it out.

Think of what you’re saying
You can get it wrong
And still you think that it’s all right
Think of what I’m saying
We can work it out and get it straight
Or say “good night.”
We can work it out
We can work it out.
So sang the minstrels at this time. Yahweh-is-Gracious used to listen attentively to this song at this time, for it spoke to him of the love which was crumbling.
Desperately he pleaded with her at one time after they had had conflict of angry words, and he begged her earnestly, beseeching her, “Please do not leave me, N-S!” or, in other words, “You will not leave me, will you?” To which she replied, comforting him, for he was exceedingly sorrowful, “No!”

Yet even so, it had been in his mind before these events, owing to her undue coldness, to emancipate himself from her, and by some means terminate the relationship.

Some months after these events, she told him, when he one morning was with her, near to the place named Broad Water, that she would no longer continue the courtship, owing to the magnitude of his backslidings. Now he was on his way to the house of a maiden also named Yahweh-is-Gracious, who was surnamed by the name of a hamlet wherein was a church or an assembly of believers, in order to listen to the likeness of a reacher preaching.
After pleading with her, as he thought, without result, and saying that he would visit the shepherd, he went to the house of the maiden, with great sadness.
Why had she threatened to terminate the relationship at this time? Firstly, it could be suggested truthfully, that it was, as has been said before, due to his having left his great zeal and first love. But although this was the reason which lay under this, there was a more immediate cause, namely that being hot he had quitted the meeting of the assembly of believers on the first evening of the week (it was now the second morning of the week) and had left Noble-Strength there, and had gone with the Bearer-of-the-Anointed-One to his house.
After he had been to the house of Yahweh-is-Gracious of the family of those who came from the town in which was an assembly, he met Noble-Strength opposite the lodging-house of the Queen. And she gladly accepted him, and she surprised Yahweh-is-Gracious pleasantly, because she was assuming that their relationship was now in good health again.
At the house of them that dwelt at or near a wood, or whose progenitors or one of themselves had been or was being made a carver or cutter of wood (as thus he was), Yahweh-is-Gracious cried much, to the great surprise of Noble-Strength, who exclaimed, saying, “Why do you cry thus? What ails you? For surely you know that there is now nothing wrong to cry about; I am with you!”
And when she who conceived her, who was called Noble-Strength, a Pearl, and who had been called by the name of a preparation from milk, and value—when she comforted him he squeezed her hand very tight.
This now is the second breach, together with the second repair thereof.

But we must remember in all this that the Lord is supreme and pre-eminent above all things. NOTHING is done by any agency, save it be permitted from above; and everything is done by the determinate counsel and foreknowledge of God. He is supreme.

Section 3, Fragments 4–11

Fragment 11, above:
This is a copy of an excised portion, which was originally between lines 406 and 407 of “The Memoir of John”, and which is now lost. I had written additional lines in this portion, to introduce Hebrew-style parallelism into the text. When I copied the portion, as Fragment 11 of The Memoir of Yahweh-is-Gracious, I omitted the additions, so they are lost.

Let it now be known that the system used for the measurement of days in this treatise are according to the Roman and not according to the Jewish. For the Jews do start their new day in the evening, and their day does run from evening to evening, but the Romans do start their day in the sixth hour of the Jewish.

And so Yahweh-is-Gracious continued with the maiden for some months more, and though things at diverse times were uneasy, yet had he no idea that it was in her heart, indeed had been since about the time of the mass to celebrate the birth of the Anointed One.
However, she had kept these things locked away in her heart, for fear that she should hurt him or offend him, stumbling him and turning him out of the way, thinking chiefly, I suspect, to avoid hurting him, and possibly to avoid having to prepare her nerve for such an encounter.

In the seventh month of the second full year, on the twenty-seventh day of the month, in the evening of the day, it came about that Yahweh-is-Gracious had decided, owing to the oppression upon his conscience, and his inability to pray, [to] forbear from going to the assembly of believers, who were gathering at that time for to pray and to make earnest supplication with thanksgiving for the needs of the assembly.
And he decided he would take the means of transport, and he would go to the house of them whose ancestors dwelt near a wood, whose progenitors were cutters of wood, the wife of the father of the house being called Noble-Strength, a Pearl, the daughter of those appertaining to a product from milk of great value, that is to say, she whose husband begot by her a son of his name and a daughter of her name.

So Yahweh-is-Gracious tarried there, till the time when they were wont to quit the house of prayer. But they delayed so exceedingly a long time, that Yahweh-is-Gracious began to become anxious over the matter. Some time later, about an hour, being roused by impatience, he arose and walked to the place where the believers were wont to gather.
Now there was at that time a lad with protrusive teeth. Hence the saying of Yahweh-is-Gracious and the man who came from near the city built on breast-shaped hills “Teeth in motion” (to the tune of Let’s Go To San Francisco).
This boy admired greatly a girl, handsome and well-favoured. But she was believed to have a demon spirit, and from him she did not wish to be freed.
Unbeknown to Yahweh-is-Gracious these two had caused much ado at the meeting for prayer, and for this cause it had been prolonged.
But Yahweh-is-Gracious was indignant because of the delay.

After they had done praying they went out from the place. And the wife of him who had begotten Noble-Strength was indignant because of the indignation of Yahweh-is-Gracious, and she spoke in words of wrath, saying, “Are you ignorant of that which obtained in the house of prayer? for dæmons were being cast out.”
And this served to cool Yahweh-is-Gracious a little.

The evening after, Yahweh-is-Gracious went his way to the abode of Noble-Strength.
He had on his hands from the physician and the apothecary an ointment made from a preparation of naphtha, which gave off a fragrance.
But when he bade Noble-Strength smell its perfume, she would have none of it, but said, “Yahweh-is-Gracious, is it verily so that you, even you, wish to ‘go out with’ me?” And his heart began to smite in its sheath, till Y-is-G became breathless. And he answered her, saying, “Yes.”

So the shattered heart of Yahweh-is-Gracious smote hard, his heart dissolved, and pangs seized upon him.
And she expounded to him the intents and thoughts of her heart and Yahweh-is-Gracious knew that their courtship was ended.
And he left that place in sorrow and bewilderment, his hopes perished.

And Yahweh-is-Gracious was sorry that he had gone his own way and had not practised uprightness, setting his face to go in the way that the Lord willed, and being diligent thereto, stirring up the gift within him, and rejoicing in the Lord.

And Yahweh-is-Gracious prayed to the Lord & made confession, confessing his sins & the multitude of his backslidings.

And there was the evening after this a meeting where the believers gathered together to tell of the doings of the Lord. And Yahweh-is-Gracious came, his heart in an agony. He sat down by the side of Noble-Strength and afterward did converse with her, whether perhaps there could be a repair of the breach which had been caused. But she refused to be courted, even though he pleaded strongly with her.

But now what could he do? He was powerless to act. He could plead, but all in vain.
And ah the drawn out agony
of languishing for love,
For she had won his very heart;
She was his precious dove.
He longed that she be with him now,
Their hearts to beat with passion sweet.
Him she had spurned, he knew not how,
The bitter thought brought to him tears
That did confirm his worsest fears:
For him she’d never care again.

What could he do, what could he say?
She nonchalantly went her way.
His strong persuasion could not sway
Her from the course she took that day.

And ah the dreary agony
Of longing for her love,
For she had won his very heart;
She was his precious dove.
And Yahweh-is-Gracious and Noble-Strength the mother of Noble-Strength laboured for a woman named after the Setting Of The Sun.
And Yahweh-is-Gracious in his desperate plight pleaded that she would intercede between him and Noble-Strength the daughter of Noble-Strength.
And Noble-Strength the mother of Noble-Strength reported that both she and her husband had made strong intercession, but Noble-Strength (she said) was determined and she was persistent in her refusal to return to her love.

And Yahweh-is-Gracious took up his pen and penned these words:
Ah the dreary, drawn out agony
of longing, languishing for love: —
For you have won my very heart;
You are my perfect, precious dove.
After some years had passed Yahweh-is-Gracious took up his pen to write, and did pen these words:
Ah most Noble Strength!
I have lost my heart to you, my sister.
How will there ever be any one
who will compare to you?
And what wonderful times
we had together!
And how you said that you
wanted only me!
But now I am left with only memories.
And how may I forget you, my sweet one?
When you have gotten so deep into my heart?

What tears, What grief,
What despair I have known
since you left me!
How much I have cried,
How much I have longed
and yearned for you!

How can I give you up,
For although you go with someone else,
My heart still thinks I am
the one you go with,
And it has never given you up!

O the yearning!
So much so that I can no
longer bear it.
Yet I must!
Section 3, addition

Ah, the dreary, drawn-out agony
Of longing, languishing for your love!
He longs with all his heart that she should give her love to him, and in consequence his heart grows sick with hoping for her and languishing over her. He feels often like laying himself down in the dust and dying, so strong and continuous is the grief and agony that he feels.

But she is now carefree, and not prepared to give thought and consideration to him.

Often, he gets a feeling that it will not be too long before she decides to love him, and he starts to hope and expect that she will turn to him; only to be disappointed and to plunge to a greater depth of heartache than ever before. This happens many times; his hopes are crushed and disappointed again and again.

Then at night the pain of tears and wailing, screwing up tight his eyelids and crying with his head under the sheets, because of the thought of her having loved him at one time, and now the awful emptiness that now he is without her.

Section 4

Again the angels met in array, and again the Adversary presided over them. The spirit named Stumbling-Block approached the throne of the infernal majesty and said, “Let not my lord be angry, nor let him be wroth with his humble servant. For I will turn this defeat into victory, this shame on me I will turn to your triumph.”
The Adversary said to him, “Let your story be well pleasing, or into deep and nether darkness you will certainly go.”
The spirit trembled and shook, but regained his composure and said, ”I have sent my secret agents who have made the heart of the Bearer of the Anointed One cold toward his Mighty One, and I have personally prepared a young woman who knows not the Lord, who is a Little Gracious Gift of Yahweh. The Bearer of the Anointed One shall send to him, saying, ‘Come over and see us, and behold, I have asked a good-looking woman if she will accompany you when you arrive.’ And she, lord infernal, will cool the heart of Yahweh-is-Gracious, till he no longer serves the Lord, neither worships him, neither is willing to think about him.”
And the Adversary answered him, “Well, well: will it work? I fear not, for Yahweh-is-Gracious is careful to avoid the establishment of relationships of long standing with persons who know not the one whom I shall overthrow in course of time, whose kingdom shall soon cease, whose subjects shall be put beneath my feet.”
The spirit said, “Most noble king, I tremble and quake exceedingly in your presence. Yet allow me to speak but this once, I pray you. My agents have brought a young woman (a Little Gracious Gift of Yahweh) to the notice of Yahweh-is-Gracious. He is charmed by her, for she has qualities of body and soul, she is quite different from the other girls he knows. He is certain to offer love to her, but she will reject him. I have seen to it that she has already been hurt in love, and will not thus take love when offered never so sincerely. He will be sad, and will accept the love of the other. He will see the Little Gracious gift of Yahweh giving love to another, and will be very sad, but he will forget his sadness in a day, for the Bearer of the Anointed One will bring him another.”
The Adversary answered him, “It is not enough. For he gave love to Her of the Plain, but she was not of our Enemy, so he did not let the love prosper. And he gave love to the Pearl, but she was not of our Enemy, so he did not let the love prosper. And he gave love to Rebellious or Wished-for Child, but she was not of our Enemy, so he did not let the love develop. 16.And besides all this, he has carefully avoided involving himself with those who know not our Enemy, so as not to let them come between him and the one whom he serves.”
The spirit named Stumbling-Block answered him, “Allow me to speak this once in my defence.”
He said, “You are so permitted.”
He said, “My lord, he will be ensnared by this one because she will love him to the point of distraction. When he departs she will not have control, and her tears will fall unchecked. It will be made known to him, and he will not let her go. Moreover, when he shall try to serve his master and give her up, he will be unable, for he will remember the grief he felt at the depart of Noble-Strength.”
The Adversary said to him, “You have done well this once.”
“I am your humble servant.”
“But even so, if this plot fails, you will be imprisoned in Tartarus until the day I triumph. Mark these words well. Go therefore to your task, and do it well. You have been warned.” So he departed from that place, and went his way.

And so it was, that a company of young people were wont to gather together to pray and discuss about the Lord. They gathered for this purpose at the house of one Little Gracious Gift of Yahweh, who was one of their company.
A group of these people were wont to be seen at the assembly house of believers where the word of the Lord was proclaimed in all its completeness. And Yahweh-is-Gracious son of the Man of the Common People was there on the first day of the week, and he espied one Little Gracious Gift of Yahweh, dancing and behaving more as an individual person, than as one of the ordinary people, and he was quite taken by her. She was not beautiful, it is true, but her general appearance was attractive to him.
And he asked Bright-in-Fame son of Army-Dominion (his brothers are Beloved and … , and his sister Sprung-from- or Belonging-to-Julius whom Yahweh-is-Gracious courted many days before ), saying, “What is the name of that maiden, and what is her age, and how may I speak to her upon the device which enables people separated by distance to speak to each other?”
And he answered him, “Her name is a Little Gracious Gift of Yahweh, she is seventeen years old, and you may speak on that device in so and such a way.”
Now Yahweh-is-Gracious was already taken by this maiden; his heart smote within him. So next day he called her on the device for speaking to people over large distances, saying, “You may not know me, but I know you. I am the one with long hair and ginger whiskers. Do you know who I am? Can I take you out?” And she put him off, saying that she was about to do something different that night.
And it was, that before long Yahweh-is-Gracious began to attend the meetings at her house. And she consented for one night, but she was not seen, because, as she said, she could not obtain means of transport to bring her to her house from the City on the Breast-Shaped Hills. So Yahweh-is-Gracious was sad, and doubted her sincerity, when she said he could take her out.
Yahweh-is-Gracious did take her out, but the evening failed to please him. It was completely a failure. And he wrote a letter and sent it to her, asking if she might be more to him than friends are to each other. But she wrote him a letter and replied to his letter, saying, “I have been hurt before, and do not wish to rush into such a relationship.” So Yahweh-is-Gracious was disappointed and sad.
And further, he was saddened when her letter appeared to be insincere, and after this manner it appeared to be insincere: At the assembly of believers there was a young man named Wise Dominion, and it was plain to the eyes of Yahweh-is-Gracious that he had intentions with regard to the Little Gracious Gift of Yahweh. Yahweh-is-Gracious thought, He cannot possibly have success here, for surely my letter says not. But he was mistaken.
But before this, and after the Little Gracious Gift of Yahweh had sent her letter to Yahweh-is-Gracious, the Bearer of the Anointed One, who was a close friend of Yahweh-is-Gracious, spoke to Yahweh-is-Gracious upon the device for speaking over great distances, and asked him to come and see him, saying, “A person, a Little Gracious Gift of Yahweh, is here, who will be taken out by you, should you wish it.” And he answered him, “I do so wish.” Thus was it arranged.
Some days later, the day before his depart to the place over the mountains, which was now the abode of the Bearer of the Anointed One, Yahweh-is-Gracious was at the assembly where the believers were gathered for prayer. And the Little Gracious Gift of Yahweh was there, and Wise Dominion was there as well. And it dismayed Yahweh-is-Gracious to see them entwined as lovers afterward. Yes, he was sad, and thought, “I have no desire to see a Little Gracious Gift of Yahweh over the mountains, for I am sad in heart.”
However, the next day, he obtained means of transportation, and later arrived at the opposite coast, and the Bearer of the Anointed One and the Little Gracious Gift of Yahweh did meet him, and thus was he comforted over his disappointment, and desire for the other never entered his mind thereafter.

Section 5, Fragment 1

Section 5, end of Fragment 1, beginning of Fragment 2

Section 5, end of Fragment 2, Fragment 3

Doleful dirge on a Little Gracious Gift of Yahweh
I sing a doleful dirge ’pon one
Who will not spare me e’en one glance.

She is good-looking, there’s no doubt,—
though not a paragon of beauty,—
is a little gracious gift of Yahweh, my desire:
(yet she has form and gracefulness)
her face — ’tis true there are more fair,
her eyes — I have seen better-set,
less big; and teeth less large.

But if she smiles my heart is moved
and melts if she to me should turn
her eyes that flash and charm my soul,
or if to my small jest she laughs.

But I sing a doleful dirge ’pon one
who will not spare me e’en one glance.

For her words are a sword
that cuts deep to the quick,
they are fiery darts
and venomous thrusts
that hurt and beat down
my heart to the depth
of despondent sadness;
for her heart I can’t win —
and she turns and she tears
me — oh, what shall I do?
and how shall I act?
and what can I say
to the girl whom I crave
(but an ounce of affection)?

I sing a desperate dirge ’pon one
who will not spare me e’en one glance.

O would that a word of kindness pass
her lips; I long for it — my soul yearns!
In vain it seems the yearning is.

Again I sing the doleful dirge
on one who will not spare for me
so much as even one brief word
or only one brief backward glance.

And when for the Lord we assemble together
and after, when we all converse,
she seems to shun me like the plague;
she will not venture e’en one word,
won’t even say, “Hello”, “Goodbye.”
If I to her myself approach
she slips away, I cannot keep her.
What can I do, what can I say?
She nonchalantly goes her way—
and I return unto my place
deep in distress, heavy in heart.
This inward pain I cannot bear
much longer — on and on it goes
(without a break, without respite.)

Shall I curse her? Shall I hate?—
The emotion just wells up inside:
frustration turning into fury,
wrath, vile words and foul expressions,
followed swiftly by repentance:
sorrow and contrition deep.

Now the mind of the Lord is not
known to the mind of man
and his counsels are beyond
finding out.

And it was in the mind of the Lord
the stumbling of Yahweh-is-Gracious was not
to his fall, and the fall was
not to his destruction, but to the
final glory of God.

For nothing falls, if not to be
raised up
as nothing is hidden if not to
be revealed.

For was not, for is not, the Lord
of Yahweh-is-Gracious his redeemer, and
Saviour, did he not bleed for him,
die for him and call him his

Section 6

So we have traced the use of the folly of YHWH-is-Gracious… by the agent of the Adversary; YHWH-is-Gracious fell into sin on each occasion: he burned with wrath even though he had no evidence that the Wished-for Child was drawing All Tune away from him; he was filled with loathing for her without cause in his distress over All Tune’s avoidance of him; he feasted his lusts in the matter of her Sprung from Julius, in wilful disregard of his Master; “I am doing nothing wrong; this is new and proud achievement, such as to make me swell with pleasure… My Master will not punish me; I am safe from his wrath.” Fool! And you took pride in your shame. “And I had thought that these believers said, ‘You shall not do this’, ‘You are not supposed to do that’.” Would that they did, if to be free from it you went and did that! And the scar of this self-inflicted wound remained after the sepsis had been cleansed; for YHWH-is-Gracious would think from time to time, albeit sometimes ambivalently, with pleasure on this action.
And further we continue with our catalogue of his follies: (Can his Master bring good out of all this folly? We are certain that he can; we know without doubt that he can; we have seen it happen in part; who knows what the whole will be like?) So he courted Noble-Strength— His first sin had been of passion, an uncontrolled outburst; his second had been wilful, a deliberate closing of the eyes; but his third was insidious, an unnoticed falling off of his ardour for his Master, a creeping up of coldness—and he was plunged into grief for many a day, on and on it went till he felt he could stand no more, and another day followed—and another when although he felt no better, still he felt no worse.
Flaring flame
Kindling a flame
Dying flame
Burnt by a flame

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