It may have been in the first year at Fleetwood Grammar School, in 1961 when I was 11 years old, that I developed my first, true adolescent crush on a girl.
Up to, and even around, this time, I’d had childhood crushes, where I couldn’t stop thinking about a certain girl or woman, and imagined circumstances in which she and I met. These fantasies were usually of a heroic nature,
Similar feelings hit me for:
- The story of Princess Anne and the wreck of the royal train at Thornton station; see Class 5: Crushes.
—and doubtless for others. Most of my childhood crushes were on people seen on TV or at the cinema, but there were occasional ones for “real” people:
- Esmeralda (Maureen O’Hara) in The Hunchback of Notre Dame, which I saw on TV in perhaps the late 1950’s;
- Dorothy Provine in The Roaring Twenties, a TV series around 1961 which was shown too late in the evening for me to watch it, but which I must have seen once or twice (we have now reached the time of the “first, true adolescent crush”, but somehow these other ones seemed different, less personal, less “consuming”);
- Joan Collins in The Road to Hong Kong, seen at the cinema around 1962;
- Margot Fonteyn, the ballet dancer, who was enjoying a lot of TV exposure around that time;
- Hayley Mills in the film In Search of the Castaways (theatrical release-date: 21 December 1962);
Adolescent and adult crushes
- I do not definitely remember, but I suppose I experienced the feelings of a crush for the two Alisons, the first when I was in Class 4 at Church Road County Primary School (1957–58)—see Class 4: Alison—and the second when I was in Class 2 (1959–60)—see Alison King;
- And there was a girl in my class called, I think, Marilyn that I remember having such feelings for perhaps in Class 2 (1959–60) but, on refection, more likely in Class 1 (1960–61);
From class photo, taken 27th October 1960
- And I must not forget Sandra Gorst, about whom I later wrote: “After I had started at Fleetwood Grammar School, in September 1961, my Dad reported that Sandra thought I was ‘stuck up’, because I hadn’t acknowledged her when she had spoken to me at school; quite frankly, I hadn’t noticed her—which was a pity, because at Beechwood I had a childhood crush on her.” See Beechwood Baths and I learn to swim.
The chief difference, as I perceive things now, between what I am calling a “childhood” crush and an “adolescent” (or even “adult”) one, is that in the latter case the feelings of affection, such as I felt during earlier crushes, were suddenly, for the first time, accompanied by initially nameless and goal-less, but strong, sometimes almost unbearable, urges.
After Audrey, which of the girls, whom I fancied, came within the “crush” category?
- The object of my affection and—what would have been, if I had recognised it as such—desire, in my first adolescent crush (in, I think, December 1961) was a freckled red-head of no especial physical pulchritude: see my story Lynn Johnson. Nothing came of it.
- The second crush which I can remember, was on Lynda Consadine, in December 1963. Again, nothing came of it.
- The next major crush was on Audrey in the latter part of 1965. I went out with her for nearly two years. After she finished with me at the end of July 1967, I yearned for her for years afterwards—on and off, though, for I had “replacement therapy” during this time.
See: Peter arouses my interest in Audrey Wood; The Knott End campaign; On the Knott End coach with Audrey; A festive occasion with the young people of the church; Alone at last!
- Glenda Bird (March to April 1969). I fancied Glenda Bird, but she said, “No,” when I asked her to go out with me.
- Karen Hodgkinson (mainly in the first part of 1971—even though I’d been going out with Gillian Ashworth since April 1970: tch! tch!). The first time Karen was mentioned in a favourable light, in my writings, was on Friday 30 May 1969, at a party: “…Karen came… She is quite pretty and attractive”—though I had been acquainted with her for some considerable time before that. There were also other mentions of her after that in 1969, and I even asked her out on Saturday 6 July 1969 but she turned me down. She was a somewhat strange, unstable character, but that fact either wasn’t apparent to me or I ignored
Karen Hodgkinson, 30 May 1969
Getting married, I’m afraid, provided no immunity against the onset of crushes, and since I married Janet (not Aikman) on 23rd August 1975, there have occurred the following three: Philippa (eighties); Sundeep (nineties); Helen (“noughties”). One might suppose that getting a crush would heighten “5:28” towards the object of it, but in fact I have found that “5:28” has diminished; and, indeed, in all three cases, I have tried to turn my desires into spiritual channels, and try to win them for the Lord.
- “Miss J. Quick” (very briefly in February 1971—again, while I was going out with Gillian).
 See Philippa.So there have been quite a few crushes over the years!
 She appears in
some of the photos on Friday 14th March 1997.
 She appears in
photos on Friday 16th December 2005, Friday 14th December 2007 and
27th February 2009.